Sunday, April 19, 2009

Inappropriate Animals

This is a late, cheap birthday present to phibetakitten.

I went to Earth Fair in Balboa Park today with my brother, his two sons, and my son. Before I suffered heat stroke and had to humiliate myself by asking to go home early before we'd been able to do anything for the Earth other than collect a whole bunch of well-meaning pamphlets written on dead trees, I saw these inappropriate animals:

Two black standard poodles with really long fur wearing animal-print visors.
One Pomeranian with 24-square cubic furlongs of fur standing out on end.
Two puppies falling about five feet from a backpack onto the promenade.
One "freaky bug," as so described by my nephew.

When we got back to my house, the following inappropriate animal drama*ensued.

Scene: Youngest nephew and my son play out in the backyard. Oldest nephew gets up to no good in house. Bro and I collapse on family room furniture, making "uuuuunnnngggghhh" noises.

Youngest nephew on patio (YNOP) to my son: Dude! Never ride this bike again!
My son: What?
YNOP: Never ride this bike again! It has a black widow!
Me to Bro: Uh . . .
Bro (already getting up): Yeah. I'm on it.
YNOP to my son: I'll get a cup.
Me: Uhhhh!
Bro to YNOP: Get away! Let me check this out.
Bro: Yep! He's right!
Me: I'll get bug spray! I'll get oven mitts! I'll get you a bulletproof hazmat suit and build a bomb shelter underground for the remains!
Bro (coming in door): What? I got rid of it.
Me (astonished): How?
Bro: I squished it. With my foot.
Me: Weren't you afraid it would run up your leg and KILL YOU?!?
Bro (scoffing): No.
Me: I would have been.
Bro (disgusted): I know.
YNOP to my son: That was a black widow.
My son: We get them all the time.

*Some occurrences embellished for dramatic effect.

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